


Wanting The Wolf

by BlindBeauty



Category: Sicario (2015)
Genre: Age Difference, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rough Kissing, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sexual Frustration, Sexual Tension, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2018-12-21 08:15:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11940039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlindBeauty/pseuds/BlindBeauty
Summary: Kate wanted to do many things, but all of them dealt with the theme of time, going back to be specific. She wished she'd declined Matt's offer, worked harder on her failing marriage, kissed Medellín when she had the chance. But what she wanted most of all was the wolf....





	1. Wolves

It is the land of the wolves, and she is not a wolf. She's reminded the minute Alejandro pulls the gun on her. She'll be reminded when Dave calls her in, with someone higher up in the chain, who just wants to "double-check" everything. 

Should've listened more carefully to Dave's words, the warning hidden within. She thought to herself, flashing a tight smile to Reggie. "Good movie," he comments, pointing to the tv, she nods in agreement. The minute Alejandro left, the nausea that she'd been pushing down came out, giving her little time to make it to the bathroom. 

She couldn't remember how long she sat there, her head resting against the cool porcelain, crying silent tears and softly shaking. She didn't stop until she heard a knock at the door, reminding her that she'd invited Reggie over. He'd even brought over her two favorite things: Chinese takeout and a pack of Bud-light. 

....Alejandro, Medellín, The Wolf, whatever you wanted to call him, he'd changed Kate; and not necessarily in a good way. How could one be so nonchalant when pulling out of a gun, but be so gentle when wiping away her tears? As he walked away, Kate couldn't help but a slight twinge of disappointment fill her, watching a golden opportunity slip away. 

"You okay?" Reggie asked, gently tilting her chin towards him. "Yeah," she's never felt this drained before, "I'm fine," she wanted to scream. Kate wanted to do many things, but all of them dealt with the theme of time, going back to be specific. She wished she'd declined Matt's offer, worked harder on her failing marriage, kissed Medellín when she had the chance. 

"I heard that you signed the paper," Reggie started after a few moments of silence, "Couldn't believe it at first," he gave a harsh laugh. He turned to face her, bearing an unruly smile. "How could you?! Honestly?!!! You saw the bullshit they pulled, you know how they used us. And you still signed your name on that piece of shit?!!!!" Though he was barely yelling, his words echoed in her head. 

'Honestly Katie, how could be so stupid?! Why did you sign your name? You could've fought back the moment you saw him, but you didn't. You let him walk over you, just like him and Matt have been doing the entire time' She mentally scolded herself. "You signed away everything that we stood for when you signed the agreement," Kate couldn't help but allow a small smile come across her face upon hearing those words. 

"No," she softly whispered, "I signed my morals away the moment I accepted the job, and it's too late to change anything now," Ending the conversation, Kate snuggles deeper into her couch, ignoring her partners glare. 

They were in the land of the wolves, and they were not wolves. They were not the predators, they were the prey.  
####

It's only late at night, when everyone has fallen asleep, and the wolves can be heard howling in the distance, does Kate realize how vulnerable she truly is. She's come back from a two-hour jog, the nightly breeze cooling her feverish skin. 

Heaving a sigh, she runs a dirty palm through moist and tangled hair, before walking into her bedroom; to gather up her pajamas to put after her shower. She's barely taken two-three steps in, before she notices him sitting on the edge of her. Frozen in place, she reaches for her glock, hidden behind her dresser. "Is that the proper way to greet guests?" Alejandro mocks, his breath sounding slightly rougher than usual. Was that alcohol she smelt? 

Scoffing, Kate folds her arms over her chest, gun momentarily forgotten. "You're not considered to be a guest if you weren't invited in the first place," Kate retorts, trying her hardest to keep a straight face. Despite him pulling out a gun and threatening her, she couldn't help but feel an odd feeling of familiarity when they were together.

"You know you had the chance to talk with me earlier, you know when we had our little 'chat'?" Medellín chuckles, closing the gap between them. "You're right, I had the chance to "talk" earlier, but I'm not here to talk" Confusion riddled her face, if he wasn't her to talk, then why was he here? 

"I don't-" The words are caught in her throat, as a knee worms it's way in between her legs. Moving it to and fro, he lazily stares at through heavy-lidded eyes. "I'm not here to talk," he repeats, before moving his head down to her neck. "Wait, wait," Kate mutters, to no avail, throwing her head back; giving him complete access to her neck. 

"Give in," He mutters, lightly sucking her neck, "Give in," he repeats. Her already sweat ridden shorts became even more damp with the slick wetness between her legs. Alejandro groaned in her neck, uttering out smooth words of Spanish, burying himself deeper. 

She knew what he was telling her, to give herself completely to him, he already had some parts, so why not? Whimpering, Kate bits her lip, a small moan making its way out; the knee between her legs moves faster, harder. "Hermosa, eres hermosa. lo siento por no decirlo antes," he groans, suckling and biting. Should she give in? Surrender herself to the Wolf? 

The wetness between her legs was growing at an alarming rate. "Answer me," Medellín growls, he pulls away, giving her a chance to look him in the eyes. His eyes have this distant look, as if he's another time, another place. His lips are swollen, and is starting to pant. "Answer me!" He bellows, and in an instant, he has her by the neck. 

And in an instant, Kate's hands are trying to pull his off, her mind gone back to Ted. 'You did this, you did this Kate' Ted's words echo in her head. "Al-Alejandro," she chokes out, starting to feel light-headed. "What is it Francisca?" His eyes widen as he realizes what he's just said. Before he can apologize, Kate finds the energy to push him off. "Kate-" he starts, but she shaking her head. 

"Get out," She keeps her gaze focused on the floor. "Kate, I didn't mean to-" Alejandro stops when he sees her tears. "You didn't what? Mean remind of Ted? You couldn't control yourself huh?! You know I didn't know much I reminded you of your wife, we must've had a lot in common huh? I-" the hit is hard enough to knock the breath out of her. 

"Do not ever utter her name," The dark tone of his voice reminds him of when she found him with the police officer. But this time she was more scared than ever. "I don't know why I came," He's walking to her door. "I don't either, so why don't you leave? That's what your good at right? Disappearing? Being a ghost?" Despite not really meaning the words, Kate couldn't help but let the words fall out; a way to let out some of the anger she'd been holding in this time. 

He simply gives a glance before he's gone, blending into the night. 'Idiot' she mutters to herself, wincing when she touches her new bruise. Reggie would ask about for sure, she'd have to cover it up with makeup, she didn't want to worry/anger him anymore. The wolves howls had grown louder, merging with the coyotes, to create a bitter-sweet symphony. 

Wanting to hear more, Kate quickly grabbed a thick blanket, a pack of Indian Creeks, a lighter, and her phone. Shuffling out the door, she breathes in the cool air. Lighting a cigarette, she listens to the offbeat melody, and couldn't help but feel some version of peace. Her phone lights with a text, from the one and only Matt, 'We need to talk' it read. Cryptic as usual, something she's come to expect from him. 

Wrapping herself in her covers, Kate finishes her cigarette, and listens to the song being sung as she drifts to sleep. Medellín was right, this was the land of the wolves, and she wasn't a wolf, it was true. But what was also true was that there weren't just wolves in this land, they weren't the only predators to be feared. Yes, Kate wasn't a wolf, but she wasn't some helpless prey either; a sitting duck just waiting to be picked off by the birds, if Juarez was anything to go by. 

It's the land of the wolves, and while Kate wasn't wolf, she'd learnt something just as valuable. You don't need to be Wolf in order to come back ruling the pack.....


	2. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate's questioned, talks with her mom, and finds a surprise at night.

  
On her first day back to work, she notices how no one will meet her eyes.   
It’s as if they already know what she’s done, and have judged her accordingly. Dave had gone out of town for a meeting, Reggie was sick, so she was on her own.

Despite being late to a briefing, Kate made no effort to walk faster. They clearly didn’t want her there, neither did she. “How nice of you to join us,”   
Some douche comments when she opens the door.

Giving him the middle finger, she takes her seat, ignoring the glares. The man giving the presentation was a higher up, his name was Thrasher if her memory recalled.

  
If there was one positive thing about time with Matt and Alejandro, it’d have to be the ability to detect the wolves from the sheep. Thrasher was not wolf, he was a sheep, she knew it from the way he backed down when she came in.

  
“As I was saying,” he continued, “Our mole has new intel on a potential kidnapping house. Once it’s confirmed, we’ll gear up and storm in. In the meantime, I’m deploying teams to monitors some of our targets around town. I’ve emailed the details of each time with you, dismissed. Kate, wait a moment, will you?” Ignoring the snickers of others, Kate did as she was told.

“We’re going to another room, follow me,” Beckoning her with his finger, he lead Kate to another conference room. “Now I know that you in an intertask force?”

“We have some matters to discuss,” Thrasher mutters, quickly shutting the blinds. Eyebrow raised, she watched him with feign interest until he sat beside her, placing a folder on the table

“From what I understand, you were involved with intertask force?” A nod. As they walked down the winding halls, Kate began to question where they were going.

“Lead by Matt Graver?” They stopped before a grey door. “Then I’m sure you wouldn’t mind talking about what you all did there correct?” Her heart sank the moment Thrasher opened the door.

There, was none other than Matt, Alejandro, a blonde in suit and two others she didn’t seem to remember. “I-I’m sorry, what’s going on?” Stammering, she refuses to meet any of their eyes.

“The higher ups and I just wanted to..make sure everything was by the book,” His voice echoes in her head. The woman looks up from her phone, smiling at Kate; it was warm and genuine.

“Hi Mrs. Macer, if you could just answer some questions, we’ll let you be on your way,” Not knowing if it was her curiousity or the woman’s friendly attitude that made her stay; Kate reluctantly sat down.

“My name is Aubrey,” They shook hands, Aubrey’s were soft and smooth, her calloused palms must’ve felt unruly. “I signed the papers,” Her voice sounded distant.

 

“Oh, yes I know,” Aubrey flashed a smile. “Can you tell me what you and the task force did?” Even from the corner of her eye, Kate could see Matt’s shit eating grin.

“Just protocol, Kate, geez would it kill you to smile?” Tensing at Matt’s words, Kate sighs. “We…” she could feel Alejandro’s stare. It was blank, nonchalant.

 

As usual, she could read his emotions, would he mad? Would him and Matt take the opposing side? Or just simply kill the three of them? A better question yet-’Would Matt stop him?’

Too many questions here swirling in her head, too many possible outcomes. “Mrs Graver?”

“It’s Kate,”

“Kate, trust me, you won't be judged for what you say,” Aubrey promises, putting a warm hand over hers. “Don't keep us in suspense!” Matt said mockingly.

“You were saying?” Kate looks into Aubrey’s eyes, they were a vibrant blue; they held conviction, pride, much like hers did before she met Matt.

They could've been mistaken for twins, that how eerily similar they were. Both are gifted with honey hair, vibrant blue eyes, and fair skin.

The only difference? How they carry themselves, Aubrey has air of intrigue, class. Her cheeks are rosy, her eyes tell a number of stories, and filled with life. Her body is teaming with life.

Kate? Kate is dead. Her eyes are dead, her cheeks are pale, she looks lifeless. She might as well been a corpse.

“We went to Juarez, we found the...the mole and dealt with him accordingly,” Kate voice is soft as a whisper.

“I see,” Is the only response Aubrey gives, before letting her leave.

_~~It could've been a trick of light, but she could've sworn that Aubrey’s eyes died too.~~ _

  
~

When she was little girl, her mother once asked her, “If there was one place in the entire world you could travel, where would you go?” Her answer had been the same for   
her whole twenty-five years.

_Paris. The city of lights and love_. She’d longed for the famous city after watching a film noir, the romance between the characters had filled her with hope about the love she’d soon find.

  
No one warned her about the reality of love, and the pain it’d brought. It was an aching feeling, a dull throb. “Katie?” a weary but firm hand brought her out of her thoughts.

“Sorry mom,” flashing a quick smile, Kate takes a sip of her coffee. “Anyway, were you saying?” Rolling her eyes, she cuts into her pie. The cafe was quiet, save the occasional clatter of dishes.

“Why Paris? Your answer never seems to change, I mean there are other places that are known for love,” Playfully punching her mom in arm, Kate shakes her head.

“They can't replace Paris, there's something unique about the city, I can't describe it,” Kate face bears sad smile. “I understand completely, but I’d thought you were saving up to go,” She waits until the waiter is gone before responding.

“I lost a lot in the divorce,” Her voice was clipped, precise. “Well, I always knew that Nate was no good, you can do better love,” Smirking at her mother’s words, Kate can't help but tune her out as she starts to ramble.

_You can do better._ Her mother words echo in her head. _Do better_. It held more meaning with than her mom probably meant.

“I know,”

That night, after bidding her mother goodnight, Kate’s welcomed by a set of presents on her couch. There was a bouquet of pink carnations-flowers for the dead. In a box, there's a dog-husky. It's fur is a soft gray with eyes so sharp, their like a hawks.

~~_It was almost identical to a wolf._ ~~

The last item is note, it was bare, save three words written neatly in cursive.

_Cogito ergo sum._

She knew what he meant. The wolves and coyotes are howling once more, sending chills down her back.

“You're welcome,” She whispers, to no one but the wind; and with the breeze, they're gone.

That night, she receives two texts, both from Matt.

Matt:

_We need to talk._

_It's about you and Medellín._

 

~~_But what's there to talk about? There're nothing, he's the predator and she's the prey. They're nothing_ ~~

At least she thinks so, the more she tells herself, the more she hopes to believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation: Cogito ergo sum=I think, therefore I am.
> 
> Semi-edited, will edit as I pick up errors.
> 
> https://i.imgur.com/p0sfzut.jpg(What the pup looks like)


	3. His name starts with M

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate meets up with Matt and they talk. (Unedited but hopefully there aren't too many errors)

That day, the sun didn’t rise, the sky was grey and weary. Fog had rolled in sometime overnight, covering the land, getting to the point where she could barely a foot in front of her. 

 

After yesterday’s fiasco, she had neither the want or need to go back to work, so she didn’t. Laying in her bed until the late hours of the day, Kate closed her eyes, tuning the world out; that is until hunger crept in. 

 

 Reluctantly sliding out of bed, she couldn’t help but sigh in content as her bare feet met the soft carpet. Shuffling her way to the living room, she pondered Alejandro’s last words to her. 

 

_ “You should move to a small town, someplace where the law still exists,”   _

 

While she hated to admit it, he was right. The law no longer existed, at least the law in Kate’s eyes. So what was stopping her? Reggie would no doubt come with her, he despised the place as much as she did. She had no family here, they were scattered, like the wind. 

 

It had to be far far away, a place where Matt had no influence over her. But where? New York? California? Surely there were so many people in the cities alone that she’d be able to blend in with the crowd. A nobody, that's what she was and always will be. 

 

Expendable, a pawn, as demonstrated so wonderfully by Matt, Alejandro, and the Delta team. Like a game of chess, they deployed her across the board, picking and choosing where she went, what information she was told, etc. 

 

Her phone buzzed, another text, probably from Matt. Ignoring the phone, she left Marlow- her puppy- on her bed. A knock came at her door, then another, more frantic, rushed until it practically became pounding. 

 

“Kala?! Kala?!!” It was her elderly neighbor Sylvia, who only talked to her every once and a while on her way back from a run or the mailbox. But in most cases, it was to criticize her on lack of attendance to church. 

 

Her most annoying trait by far was the fact that she called Kate “Kala”....how she got to that assumption, Kate would never understand, and she gave up after the 3rd time. 

 

Quickly tiding herself up, she tried unbolting the door as fast as she could the pounding would stop. “Kala-”

 

“Yes, Sylvia? How may I help you?” Her smile was tight, it was hard to keep the annoyance out of her voice. 

 

“There’s a car sitting out on the curb..outside your apartment….it hasn’t moved since last night. I’m about to call the police,” voice hush, Sylvia’s worn body was rigid, the old woman crept a little into Kate's apartment to point out the highly suspect black Mercedes. 

 

Tensing, Kate turned to the woman giving a false smile. “It’s alright, I’ll take care of it, do you understand?” Saying more useless phrases of reassurance, she pushed the hag out the door. 

 

Walking out to her balcony, she grabbed a gun, blatantly pointing it straight to the driver. “You have five seconds to get out of here,” She instructed, taking the safety out. 

 

“5” the door opened.

  
“4” A boot came to the ground.

 

“3” A hand came on top of the roof. 

“2” A familiar face. 

 

1.

 

“So you gonna shoot me or what?” Face tightening at that shit eating grin, Kate put the gun away, knowing he wasn’t intimidated by her in anyway shape or form. 

 

“Don’t worry,” he chuckled, tucking his hands into his pocket, “I’m just here for a drink”

 

~~~

"Did you and Alejandro fuck?" 

 

Matt's vulgarness never ceased to amaze Kate, not that she wasn't expecting some question of this type. Apparently Matt's version of "meeting up" was staking out her house until she came out or in her case Sylvia coming over.  Rolling her eyes, she took a swig of the cheap beer, wincing at the bitter taste as it went down her throat.

 

Though the bruises had somewhat faded, she felt as if everyone could see them and was staring. 

 

"Last time I checked, I wasn't a child, so why do you give a fuck?" Ignoring the sigh she'd receive, Kate looked around the cheap dive bar he'd taken her to. It was the kind you'd see in the moves, where sleazy hookups happened and drunken fights were an everyday occurrence. 

 

“Kate, listen….he’s not the type you want to get involved with...romantically. He’s not your type.” Upon hearing the words come from his mouth, Kate gave a harsh laugh and took another swig. 

 

“Yea, because you really know my type,” 

 

“He’s not the one.”

 

“I’m not looking for the one”   
  


“What are you looking for?” He was matter of fact. Raising an eyebrow, she looked him up and down, before giving her answer. “For someone to take the pain away, even if for a brief moment,” Their eyes met, a question and a challenge. 

 

Shrugging, Kate downed the rest of her drink, she stood up, throwing cash on the table. “Are we done here? Yes? Good because I’m gone,”

 

“I’m your ride,” 

 

“Then you should be comin hmm?” 

 

~

 

“More,” her voice was faint, breathless, “more, please.” Raking her nails up Matt’s back, Kate whined, desperately pressing their already close slick skins tighter. Grunting, he thrusts himself deeper, diggings his nails into her hips. 

 

Whimpering, she pulls him in a for a frantic kiss, crossing her legs over his back. Doing anything and everything she can to bring them closer.  “You’re beautiful,” He whispers, giving a soft chuckle at the desperate whine Kate gives as he moves on to her neck. 

 

_ Lies.  _ She thinks.  _ The lies you tell.  _ But does says nothing except tilting her head back. Matt groans, thrusting faster and faster as his climax approaches. “Matt…” Kate starts, beginning to move her hand down to her clit. “Don’t worry, don’t worry I got you,” he whispers, taking place of her hand. 

 

_ Moments later, they meet their end, together. _

 

Falling on top of her, Matt heaves a sigh, before rolling to the other side. As she starts to fall asleep, into the welcoming arms of slumber, she hears Matt mumble. “Kate...if you were to take my advice on anything...it’s this. Not Alejandro. Not Medellin. Trust me….” and then he falls silent. Whether he’s judging his actions or thinking of the consequences, she’s tired to care. 

 

~~ And she hopes Matt is too. ~~

**Author's Note:**

> I love Sicario and felt a lot of sexual tension between Kate and Alejandro, and I wanted to write something for them. Please like and comment, I plan on adding more.  
> 


End file.
